i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
