so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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