New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
