I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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