I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
