hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
