My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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