if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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