This girl is more easily done than said...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
