So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
