There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
