what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
