NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
