You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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