He uses pillows to masturbate.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
