Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
