I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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