Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
