I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize