PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
