Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
