She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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