He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
