So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize