Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
