I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize