i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
