This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize