just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
