Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
