Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
