1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
