He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
