so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
