What a fucking waste of an outfit
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
