the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
