So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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