This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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