fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
