I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
