screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
