one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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