Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
