Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
