Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
