I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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