But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
