he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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