I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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