The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
