you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
