the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
