Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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