i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
