I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
