I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's the barista slut.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
