It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
