I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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