Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
