Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
