How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
