I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
