You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Alive.
So much puke
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
