Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
