I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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