he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
