The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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