i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
