i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
