One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Say something about gay babies.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
