I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
