i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
