I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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